It’s early morning, the sun has just lifted passed the immense skyscrapers giving us the morning light and sadly the heat that cooks whatever stands in its rays; that includes me. There I am walking in the direct light and heat of the sun like the dumb ass that I am and I am lost, I have no idea where I am (just the way I like it) I just passed the lagoon, the famous fake beach in Brisbane (something that I crossed off my bucket list a few days ago). It is early but there is still some middle age soccer moms with there kids playing in the sands of the beach. But that is not what I am looking for; even though it is cute as hell, I am on the lookout for another thing on my bucket list. Doughnut Time! (NOW WHAT IS DONUT TIME I HEAR YOU SAYING.) It is a cross between the Swedish baker from Sesame Street and the crack addict. They have donuts that make diabetes go “DAAAAAAAAAMN!”

But back to me wondering like a lost kid at the Calgary Stamped, I am walking through the city looking for what I feel is a needle in a haystack! After 10 or so mins of walking, I remember that I have an iPhone which has GPS. – interesting tidbit GPS stands for Global Positioning System.- I drop my eyes looking at that slick screen and see I have a few messages “look who is so popular” I whisper to myself. Lol, it is just my mom I shoot her a few messages saying I love her and hope she is doing well, then I go to my GPS and see how far. And luck of luck it is a hop, skip and jump away. And that is what I did, I hopped, I skipped and jumped there. After about 5 mins I make it there!… Unfortunately, I am there an hour before it opens!! I start cursing myself for being so early. But hey that is just life, so I start slowly going back to the lagoon to chill for a bit and think about my life. As I am walking to the lagoon I see a cute park where there is a spider web looking thing that you can chill on, I think that this might be good spot to hang as there is shade and it is in between the beach and my warm donuts; So I sat down and listen to Joe Rogan’s podcast. 10 mins into him chatting about hunting elk with a bow, I look over and at the same time, a cute woman next to me does the same. We both get startled, however, a few mins later we are chatting about life and all the things we want out of it. I ask her where she is from and she says Canada, I laugh and think to myself, she will probably be from Vancouver Toronto. Nope, I was wrong she is from Regina. I ask her if she wants to go on a date, she blushed and said yes. We agreed on looking for a café, after a few mins of walking we find the most delightful chocolate café; I can imagine Willy-Wonka getting a hard-on over this cafe. We sat down and with a hot chocolate in between us, I feel that we look like an odd Normand Rockwell painting. After a few sips of that sweet hot drink, we start up the chatting about everything love, loss and our favourite sex jokes. But then she tells me something interesting she is related to Brent Butt!!! From the show Corner Gas! One of the most famous Canadian television shows there is, I love! That’s fucking cool. We chat about him and her life in school, but then she looks at the clock and frowns, it looks like she found a fly in her Tims, “I need to run” she whispers like she is telling me bad news. I smiled and told her it is okay and that I hope she has a good day. We hug and she tells me maybe we can meet at a Tims back in Canada some time. This time I blush and she is gone, much faster than the red in my cheek.

Then I look at the time and realize I blew two hours. Sweet it will be open so I run over thinking I will need to burn the calories anyway. After just a few mins I can smell the doughnuts, the delicious smell of fermenting yeast. Once I get there, the smell is overtaking the whole block; hey it is better than the smell of shit in some city I think to myself. I walk up it is not what I thought that it would be a sit-down place but it is not. Just a hole in the wall, where you order at the window and fuck off. However in that window a beautiful girl, she looks like she’s plucked from a punk pinup photo shoot. I walk up and she smiles at me stretching those red lips like the Cheshire Cat smile. My heart melts, there is no one there other than me and her and we strike up a conversation I tell her how this place is on my bucket list and how I love to travel. She tells me about her kid and how much she loves her life it is a good time. Eventually, I order my doughnuts; I go for the caramel apple jelly filled and the other one is chocolate something I get handed a small pink box. I smile and say goodbye to this smart, beautiful woman. Then I go to find the place to eat my donut, feeling like I am a drug addict looking for a place to shoot up.

After a few mins, I find a nice place next to the lagoon, I sit down in the shade and open the box, I feel like it is radiating light just like the suitcase off of Pulp fiction. I pick it up and my jaw drops, I can’t believe how heavy the doughnut is! I feel that if I was to throw the donut at someone they might die, lol. But I am not going to do that, I take a bite and my mind is blown it is so good the apple is fresh and the icing has the perfect hint of cinnamon, God it is a good doughnut. After a few bites, I feel like I want to try the other donut so I sit the apple one down and take a bite of the Nutella and chocolate one and damn it is sweet but I finish it off when I lay down trying not to die; as I am laying down like the mess I am I start to eat the Apple doughnut. If a bystander was looking they would think I have an odd fetish for donuts. BUT NO, I am just full and feeling the love. And am slowly passing out from the sugar and carbs. After I am done the doughnuts, I feel like I am going to blow so I lay down in the lagoon and people watch it is such a good time. After I feel more mobile, I get out of the pool and away from one of the best damn doughnut shops and towards and a new better life.

*Dane does not condone eating your weight in the doughnut and can not take any responsibility for your death by ….. chocolate, LOL I love my life!